Why Fitness Goals Stop Working in Menopause

If you’ve ever thought, “I know what to do, I just can’t make myself do it anymore,” this episode is for you.

Many women in menopause struggle with motivation around exercise, not because they’re undisciplined, but because the goals they’re carrying no longer make sense to their body.

In this episode of The Midlife Method, Cam Allen explains why fitness goals often fall apart in menopause and introduces the NLP concept of well-formed goals. These are goals designed to help your brain and body get on the same page again.

You’ll learn:

• Why “trying harder” backfires in menopause
• How to set fitness goals your body can actually respond to
• The 7 guidelines of a well-formed goal using real-life menopause examples
• Why flexibility matters more than willpower in midlife
• How to rebuild trust with your body and stop starting over

This episode is especially helpful if you’re navigating menopause, perimenopause, low energy, inconsistent motivation, or frustration with workouts that used to work.

👉 Subscribe for more conversations about strength training for women over 45, menopause fitness, mindset, and building self-trust in midlife.

Menopause Minis | 10-Minute Strength Workouts for Women 45+
https://www.camoyler.com/meno-minis
Use CAMYOUTUBE to save $20

Free Menopause Sleep Guide
https://www.camoyler.com/opt-in

Strong Bones in Menopause | Free Guide for Women 45+
https://www.camoyler.com/boneguide

Foundational 4 Supplements | Menopause Nutrition Made Simple
https://www.camoyler.com/supplements

Free Menopause Home Gym Guide | Strength Training at Home
https://www.camoyler.com/gym-equipment-guide

Wins Beyond the Scale | Free Checklist for Midlife Women
https://www.camoyler.com/wins

Chapters:
00:00 Self-Talk and Goal Setting
05:28 Defining Strength Through Specificity
09:20 Start Small, Define Specific Steps
10:35 Small Steps, Big Habits

Transcript

0:00

If you find yourself saying, I just don't feel motivated to work out anymore, I'm just so tired of fighting myself. This episode is for you. Hey there. My name is Cam Allen. Welcome back to the Midlife Method. And those thoughts are the reason why I want to record this. I want to talk about something I see often with women in menopause. They say I know what to do, I just can't make myself do it. You see, the women I work with are very smart. They know what to do. But something is getting in the way of them actually carrying through. And most of the time I'm here to tell you it's not motivation and it's not your self discipline. It's actually the goal itself doesn't make sense anymore to the body at this stage of life. In nlp, we call that a well formed goal. So let me back up. What in the heck is nlp? NLP stands for neuro. That's your brain linguistic. The words we say out loud and the words we say to ourselves. And programming like actually doing stuff in the world. Now I don't actually love the name well formed goals because it kind of sounds fancy, but really what it means is, does your goal give your body clear, usable instructions? That's what your brain loves? Or are your goals kind of confusing? One day maybe you get dressed, you look in the mirror, you like what you see, you say positive things about your body and about yourself and you feel confident. As one of my mentors say, you've got your go go boots on. Like you're feeling it. You're unstoppable. You know what I'm saying? You've had those days. And maybe the very next day you're getting dressed and your self talk dramatically changes and you're saying nasty things about yourself and you're judging every little wrinkle and you're judging the way your shirt is hanging on your belly that is confusing to your brain. Quick side note, if you like these kind of conversations and you find them helpful, go ahead and hit subscribe so you don't miss the next episode. I love talking about where midlife health and fitness intersect, how your brain works. That's what NLP is. So there are actually seven steps for a well formed goal. So I'm taking you behind the scenes. This is what I do with my one on one clients. This is how I'm helping them form their well formed goals so they actually get results. A well formed goal tells your brain and your body to get on the same page. That's what we want. You're smart, you know what to do, but your body's not following through with these seven steps. I think that you're going to find a well formed goal. You're going to get your brain and your body on the same page and actually get the results you're working for. So step number one, say what you want, not what you don't want. That means state it in positive terms. Most women say things like I want to lose weight or I don't want to gain weight or I want to stop feeling tired. I don't want to hurt after my workouts. That's like telling somebody, don't get lost. Okay, but where are you going? Your brain totally doesn't hear the negative and only hears get lost or it only hears gain weight or it only hears hurt after workouts. It totally ignores the not the don't, the negative. So stating your goal in a positive manner is communicating with your subconscious mind. Your body needs directions. So if a woman says, I don't want to feel stiff anymore, all your body hears is feel stiff. What they really want is to get out of bed with ease. See the difference? That's something your body understands. Oh, you want me to be easeful? I. I got it. And if you're listening and thinking, yep, that's me, tell me in the comments because I read every single one and it helps me to know what to talk about next. So after it's positive, step number two, make sure it's something you control. That means it can be started and maintained by only you. You are in charge of your goal now. This one might show up as well. I'll work out when my partner stops making comments or I'll feel better when the doctor finally listens to me or I just want the scale to move. That's like waiting for the weather to change before you can actually go outside. You can go outside whether the weather changes or not. That's how I want your goal to be. You can't control the weather, but I want you to be able to control your goal. For example, if you say I'll be consistent, my husband was more supportive. What? You can be consistent right now with or without your partner being supportive. When we shift the goal to I choose movement that supports me now no matter what anybody else says. Think about it. You're 100% in control of the results. So everything is inside, it's positive and you are in control. You get to decide, not the outside person outside of you. Number three, get really specific. In real life, Terms that means I want you to use your senses for the specific steps. What will you see when you're doing your first step? What will you hear? Is there music on? Are there other people around you? And how will you feel? Will you be standing up straighter? Will you feel pride and confidence? You know, if you say something like, I want to be stronger. Yeah, that sounds nice. I want to be stronger too. However, your brain's like, that's really vague. So I'm going to ask you, how will you know that you're stronger? Like, how will you know? What will you see? What will you feel? What will you be doing? What will you hear? Use your senses to really paint the picture. So maybe you say, I want to be stronger, but if you're more specific, it may be like, when I carry my groceries in, it feels easier. Perfect. She's not talking about max lifts in the gym. She meant carrying both bags in of groceries from her car without her shoulders tightening, tightening and feels confident and able to carry all them in in one trip. That's strength she can actually feel. She sees herself doing it. She knows what it feels like. She knows what's happening. It could be like carrying your laundry. Maybe it's getting off the floor with your grandkid or carrying them around with confidence. Be specific. Or maybe it's walking up and up and down the hills with your weighted vest on. I'm always curious what comes up, so be sure to share in the comments. So it's positive. You are in control and it's very specific. You're using your senses to paint the picture. Step number four. Does this goal fit your life right now? Is it good for you as well as the people around you and society and the whole world? Meaning, is it a win, win, win. A lot of women set goals based on who they used to be. Like younger you. Well, I used to work out six days a week, so I should do that again. Let me tell you, many times that completely backfires in menopause. That's like trying to wear those low rise jeans from 10 years ago and then you get mad at your body because they don't fit the way you thought they should. Hey, there's nothing wrong with your body. That's just not the style anymore. That goal doesn't fit you. Just like those jeans don't fit you. A better goal might be like, I will strength train twice a week and walk the other days. Or I will strength train 60 minutes a week and I will add more walking throughout my day. If you're Realizing right now your goal might be based on the old version of you. That is huge awareness and congratulations. That is a huge, big deal. We need to set goals, realistic goals that are good for you and your family and the world in general, based on who you are today, not an older version of you. Number five, Give yourself more than one option to get there. There are many paths to the top of the mountain. So for example, in my previous example, you could strength train twice a week for about 30 minutes each. So that would get your 60. Or you could do six 10 minute workouts. You could do the minis. You are still reaching your strength training goal. But there's lots of ways to get there. Many women fall into the trap that there's only one right way. That's not true. For example, if I don't do the full workout, oh, it just doesn't count. What happens when your energy is low? Do you just do nothing? What if strength can come from a 10 minute workout? Or walking up and down hills with your weighted vest? Or carrying things on purpose like your groceries? Maybe it's slowing down instead of pushing harder. See, menopause requires flexibility. Your goals need more than one way to reach them. And if you've ever had an all or nothing moment with exercise, it's okay, I get it. I was that way too. This is such a common thing. All or nothing is very limited. We want an open, expansive growth mindset. There's lots of ways to reach your ultimate goals, so more than one path is important. Number six, make that first step so, so, so small. That first step should be so specific and attainable. This is what I do when I'm coaching one on one with my clients. We set weekly intentions and you better believe that they are positive and they're action based and they're very specific. Where are you going? What are you doing? Who's with you? How do you feel? All of your senses and you're moving forward. So if you say, I want to get back in shape, that's really too big. Like your body doesn't know where to start. What does in shape mean? Your definition of in shape may be very different from my definition of in shape. And what does your unconscious mind think? Who knows? So the first step could be something like this. I will do a 10 minute workout or tonight I'm going to put my workout clothes on the chair. Very specific. You can see yourself putting the clothes on the chair. It is positive you are doing something and it's very specific. These small steps tell your body, hey, this is doable. And if you're someone who tends to wait for motivation before you actually get started, this is a reminder that starting small is actually the first step. Celebrate your small wins. Have you ever read the book the Atomic Habits? In one section in that book, he explains when you are you're establishing the habit of flossing your teeth. He explains, floss one tooth a day and then just be done with it and the next day floss another tooth a day. He also uses the example of like if you wanted to establish an exercise routine, he says on day one, just drive to the gym and then drive home. What he's doing is creating that muscle memory like, hey, I can do this. This is attainable, this is achievable. And you know what? That's why the minis exist. Because time and energy is a deal when it comes to menopause. And it's easy to convince your brain, I have the time and the energy for 10 minutes. That's how you get going. Number seven does this goal give you options or just a lot of pressure? A well formed goal actually increases your choices in life. Some goals feel like really strict rules. I have to work out every morning or I failed. That's that all or nothing mindset. That's not going to get you where you want to go. It creates such intense pressure. A better goal would sound like this. I choose a walk today because that supports me. If your goal feels heavy or really really stressful, that is information for you. It shouldn't feel that way. It is not a personal flaw. A good goal doesn't force you to behave. I like to think of shame as a way to control. We do not need to shame ourselves into action. When you have a well formed goal, it's naturally your body and your brain are going to get on board and you're going to achieve your goals. It works with your body. Again, that's why I love using guidelines when it comes to coaching 60 minutes of strength Training there's lots of ways to get 60 minutes a week of strength training versus hard and fast rules. And if your fitness goals keep falling apart in menopause, that doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. It usually means that the goal was built for a different season of your life. And again, go back to the seven steps here. Once that goal fits, everything is going to start to feel easier. If this episode helped you see your goals differently and form them in a new way, go ahead and hit subscribe if you so you never miss the next conversation. And if you want. Tell me in the comments what part of this conversation stood out the most. I love reading those, and it helps shape future episodes. Thanks for being here, and I'll see you next week.