The Yes Trap: Why You’re So Tired (and How to Take Your Life Back)

You keep saying yes… even though you're exhausted.
You don’t want to let anyone down. You tell yourself, “It’s fine. I can handle it.”
But deep down, you know it’s costing you.

In this episode, I’m sharing my personal story of what I call The Yes Trap, that exhausting pattern of putting everyone else first until you have nothing left.

From people-pleasing to a wake-up call in a doctor’s office, I’ll walk you through what finally helped me stop living on empty… and start creating a life that supports me, too.
If you're a midlife woman who feels tired, resentful, and disconnected, this is your invitation to take your energy back without guilt.
What we cover in this episode:
✔️ The emotional cost of always being the strong one
✔️ How the Yes Trap leads to burnout and resentment
✔️ My hypothyroid diagnosis and what it taught me about ignoring my needs
✔️ The mindset shift that helped me stop apologizing for rest
✔️ How to set boundaries that feel kind but clear
✔️ Why you don’t need permission to care for yourself

✨ Let’s shift this together:
Leave a comment and share one “yes” you’re letting go of this week.

Subscribe for more real-talk videos on energy, midlife health, and learning how to care for yourself like you matter. (Because you do.)

Free Home Gym Guide: https://www.camoyler.com/gym-equipment-guide
Free Menopause Sleep Guide: https://www.camoyler.com/pl/2148586038
Get the Menopause Mini Workouts: https://www.camoyler.com/meno-minis.

Chapters:
00:00 Prioritizing Self-Rest in Midlife
04:41 Permission for Self-Care Boundaries
06:36 Embracing Self-Care Transformation

Transcript

0:00

There was a season in my life where I was everybody's go to person. I could handle anything, and I just did it. During that time of life, work was full on. My kids were younger. We had sports, driving carpools, eating dinner in the car. Do you remember those kind of days? I felt like my calendar was not my own. It was literally a collection of everybody else's needs and all the things I said yes to. I wore my exhaustion like a badge of honor. Honestly made me feel important and like I was doing life right. Isn't this what working moms do? But behind the scenes, honestly, I was drained. Not just physically, but it was also emotionally and mentally. At some point, this strength and power actually felt more like a cage. Hey there. I'm Cam Allen. Welcome back to the Menopause Method. Today's episode is the yes Trap and how to get out of the yes trap guilt free. And you may be wondering, what the heck is a yes trap? That's when you say yes to everything. Yeah, I'll take that on. Yeah, sure. I'm good. Of course I can do one more thing. Because saying yes feels like the right thing to do. And saying no, honestly, it feels selfish. It's like you have this script running in the background. Be the helper. You got to be the strong one. Oh. Never complain. Don't ask for help. That means you're weak. Just figure it out. You got this. But here's the one thing no one tells you. When you keep saying yes to everyone else, you start saying no to yourself. No to rest. In fact, the 4 Keys to Midlife Fitness Rest is one of the 4 Keys. I put it in there to make sure we all heard it. We don't take time for stillness, and we don't take time for things that actually restore your spirit. And I didn't even realize how far I was gone until my body forced me to pay attention. And honestly, I see that happening all the time. Your body whispers and then it speaks a little louder, and then finally it screams at you until you pay attention. So for me, the wake up call was this. For months, I felt off. My energy was in the tank. I no amount of coffee was working anymore. I'd wake up tired, and I'd go to bed tired. And coffee wasn't doing it anymore. I was gaining weight even though nothing had changed. My exercise and my food hadn't changed, and I wasn't recovering. During my late 40s, I had a slew of really weird injuries. My shoulder, my finger. It was strange. My skin was Dry. And I was also cold all the time. Like, that was weird. I kept brushing everything off until I just couldn't anymore. I went to the doctor for like a regular checkup and she's like, how are you doing? And I started rattling off some stuff. I'm like, why am I gaining weight? You know, all the things. That's when she did the blood test, and that's when I had my first official diagnosis. It was hypothyroidism. In some kind of weird way, it felt like a relief. And I was like, oh, this just isn't in my head. But honestly, this hit me very hard. I was 48 at the time. This is pre hysterectomy, pre menopause. And I realized looking back, how long I had been ignoring the signs, how long I had been pushing through, numbing myself out with exercise, overriding every single signal my body sent to me. And that was the moment I was like, okay, gigs up, lady. And I started to shift. I finally got it. I wasn't tired. I was depleted. I was running on fumes. And my body finally said, you gotta stop. No one was coming to save me but myself. So here's the guilt free plan to get your time and energy back. Because the truth is, getting your time and energy back isn't about adding more to your routine. Now, if you go on social media, you'll see these crazy, elaborate morning routines. No, no, no, no, no. We don't need more. We need to actually take things away from our life and get back to the basics. It is not about doing more. And it's certainly not about being more or fixing more. It's finally taking stuff off of your plate. And the secret is, it starts with these two things. One, changing the story you tell yourself, your mindset. Two, creating small boundaries that actually protect your energy and your time. And here's what I wish most of us knew. The hardest part isn't setting the boundaries with other people. It's about giving yourself permission to set them in the first place. So. So the mindset shift has to happen. I thought I had to earn my rest. I thought that being busy meant that I was valuable. What I was doing added to my value. And if I wasn't helping, that's just not enough. And I started to notice guilt when you block off time for yourself, or the shame that bubbles up because when I rested instead of worked out, I had to rewrite that script. So here's the version I use now. Rest is actually productive. And boundaries are actually a form of self respect. Taking care of my body is not selfish. It's actually sacred. If you think of it this way, this physical body is how you walk through life. This physical body was given to you and it's sacred. Taking care of your body is not selfish. It's actually a sign of self respect. So that's step one, changing how you think about yourself, realizing that taking care of yourself is not selfish. Step two is having boundaries. And boundaries will change everything. Once I started believing that I could actually do something about this, I stopped answering work emails. After a certain time, I block time off in my calendar. That's just for me. No one can make an appointment. I said no to recording my old podcast on Sundays. At first it feels very strange. It's like using that new muscle that's never been trained before. It's awkward. And of course I doubted myself because I didn't want to come off like harsh or mean. But every time I honored my own needs, I. I got a little stronger. And slowly my energy and my spunk for life came back. Not because one thing is a magic fix, but I stopped pouring myself out into everything and everyone else, and I started keeping some of that energy for myself. So what's the outcome? This is the wild thing that happens when you start caring for yourself differently. I didn't actually become less helpful or less generous or less connected or less of a woman. I actually became more honest, more steady, and more present to my life. I feel like my relationships are better now and my body started healing. I have energy all day for my life now. I no longer feel like I'm running on fumes. Because here's the thing. You weren't designed to run on empty. You do not have to earn your rest. It is your right. And your needs are not an inconvenience. Use your voice. Speak up for what you need. Now, when it comes to boundaries, I would have some go to like practice phrases. Try them out, test them out so you're not caught off guard. So here's what I want to invite you into. One small shift, one boundary. Do something this week. It could be as simple as going to bed earlier or turning your phone off at 8 or maybe saying no to something that you normally would say yes out of guilt. This one act of self respect. This one tiny yes to yourself. What's it going to be? Let it be the start of something different. Because the version of you that's rested, nourished and steady, oh, she's not far away. She's waiting for you. And she's worth making that space for. So tell me in the comments, what's that one thing you're going to do for yourself this week? This is definitely a journey and you do not have to do it all alone. It literally starts with one small step. So I have a challenge for you. What's one boundary, just one you're going to set for yourself this week? Maybe it's saying no to one small thing. Or maybe scheduling 15 minutes of quiet time just for you. Or actually leaving work on time and not answering those work emails. Drop it in the comments below. Let's build a community here where we cheer each other on and reclaim our energy one guilt free, no at a time. And if this video hit home for you, hit subscribe for more ways to live a balanced, more empowered menopause life. Thanks for being here. I'll see you next week.