Midlife Women: Stop Saying This to Yourself-How self-talk after 45 impacts your body, energy, and results

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “This is just how I am now,” or “I never stick to anything,” this episode is for you.

In this episode of The Menopause Method, I’m diving into the words we use—out loud and in our heads—and how those words are shaping our energy, motivation, and even our physical body in midlife. You’ll learn how your self-talk programs your nervous system, impacts your health, and how to shift it without toxic positivity or fake affirmations.

We'll cover:

1. Your Words Are More Than Just Thoughts
   The way you talk to yourself actually becomes an instruction manual for your nervous system—and your body listens!
2. How Childhood Programming (and Diet Culture!) Might Be Running the Show
   We dive into why old self-talk patterns pop up now, and how to lovingly update them.
3. Simple Reframes That Change Everything
   Discover small language shifts you can use right away—no “fake” affirmations needed—to create energy, motivation, and self-acceptance.

💡 Want to go deeper?

• 🎧Catch up on Episode 1: Parts Integration & Ending Inner Conflict in Midlife  
• 💪 Grab your 10-Minute Strength Workout: https://www.camoyler.com/minis  
• 📬 DM me “MINI” on Instagram to get started: [@camoyler]

Key Takeaways:

• The words you use to describe yourself can shape your midlife experience—your self-talk becomes instructions for your body and mind.
• “I’ll try” and negative self-beliefs often signal unconscious self-sabotage; swap them for more accurate, supportive statements.
• Our common beliefs about aging, body changes, and motivation are often old programming picked up from childhood and culture—these narratives are changeable!
• Reframing your thoughts with curiosity, rather than criticism, opens the door to better self-understanding and more positive outcomes in menopause.
• Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) techniques can help you shift unhelpful self-talk and transform your results in midlife and menopause.
• Your stress and frustration don’t just feel bad—they can literally affect your hormones, cravings, and even your blood sugar.
• Simple practices—like questioning whether your self-talk is creating the “you” you want to become—can have a big impact on your well-being and results.

Chapters:

00:00 Dallas Trip & NLP Insights
03:10 Navigating Midlife Changes
07:36 Embracing Change and Self-Discovery
11:51 Transformative Self-Talk Practice
13:08 Words Shape Your Body

Transcript

0:00

What if the way you talk to yourself is actually creating the results you're frustrated by? You see, in midlife, your words just aren't thoughts. They actually become instructions for your nervous system. After my hysterectomy, I would say, this is just how I am now. And anytime I felt frustrated or had a hot flash or my exercise was horrible, that line would show up. And it sounds pretty harmless. Right? But what I didn't see at the time was I wasn't just describing how I felt. I was actually deciding who I was. Hey there. I'm Cam Allen. Welcome back to the Menopause Method. Today, we're gonna talk about how our words create our reality, and this may be the hidden thing that's actually stopping you from getting the results that you're working towards. Back to my hysterectomy story, that phrase kinda became my unconscious identity. Every time I said it, I would actually shut down my curiosity about menopause in midlife. And I stopped asking, what's going on my with my body today? And I just accepted it as softness. You see, my body wasn't the problem. It was my language. So today, we're gonna talk about more of my trip to Dallas and NLP. So first of all, what the heck is NLP? It stands for neurolinguistic programming, and it's really about how the language about how your mind and your body communicate together. Once I started learning about NLP back in December, I was, like, hooked immediately. I realized this was the down mover that was gonna help me and other women get unstuck and actually get the results that they're working towards. So I started in December, started showing up to coaching calls, and then I went to Virginia Beach in February. And then I went to Dallas in April, and I'm going back to Dallas in next January. I am in it forever. This is the key that will unlock everything. You see, your words are not just descriptions. They're actually commands, especially to your unconscious mind, and your body believes whatever you repeat often. Yeah. So the thing about all the times we say nasty things to ourselves, and it's on repeat over and over and over. Here's some examples from my real life. Like, when I learned this, I went back and I was like, okay. Let me think if this really happened to me. I remember thinking that woman was a pain in the neck. And guess what showed up on my body? A pain in the neck or or this one. I was at a fundraiser for an animal shelter. This was years ago. And we were sitting at a country club at this big fancy tables, and there were more women than seats, which was really weird. And I remember being really annoyed by a waiting table. She was older and she was from the community. I didn't vibe with her at all. In fact, I said she's a pain in the beep. You can fill in the blank. And guess what I developed in my body? Flipping hemorrhoids. I'm not kidding. My body, my words, and my disgust, and my whatever frustration at being at this fundraiser for this woman, thinking she was a pain in the booty. I actually created hemorrhoids. I was like, what? When I started looking for examples of how my words created my reality, I was like, oh, yeah. There's something to this. And you see, when it comes to midlife, our identities are already shifting. Like, our roles, empty nest, maybe you're caring for aging parents, maybe you're having a career shift. I went through a divorce in my forties. Like, all these things are changing, and how we talk to ourselves about those changes really matters. So we've got life changes going on. And then can I mention the hormone changes? Having a hysterectomy at age 49 really sent me in a tailspin. I was, like, clueless about hormones until then. And the last six years has been all about learning about hormones and what I can do, lifestyle changes, exercise changes to make this life the best life because I decided I wasn't gonna be shurgle up and decide this was it and be old. That was not for me. The other thing that happens in life was your energy. Have you noticed your energy changes? Some days you have energy, and some days you just wanna eat chips on the couch. Both are part of midlife. And then there's the body image. Like, I noticed I had never carried weight in my belly, and all of a sudden I was carrying more weight in my belly, and I noticed there was more weight in my legs. That is new. Like, where did that come from and why did that happen overnight? So all these changes are happening happening. You know this. This is not a surprise. And the stories you tell yourself over and over and over actually become your default setting. Yeah. Think about that. What are you telling yourself over and over? That is becoming your instruction manual for your brain, and your brain creates your physical body and your reality. So our most common self talk is actually old programming. Like, most of it was formed when you were zero to seven, and we made up these definitions of what love was and what fitness was and all this stuff. And we're still using those filters today at mid midlife. So a lot of the filters came from childhood. Some came from culture or even diet culture. One of the biggest shifts I've made is reframing what exercise looks for like for me right now. The menopause minis are my ten minute strength workouts, which I started in December. I think I'm down, oh, 15 pounds now. All I did was change how I was exercising. I changed the way I thought about exercise, and I went from ten to ten minute strength workouts rather than having to be an hour long and being grueling and being should should should and all that nonsense. I was saying to myself, I changed how I exercise. I changed how I showed up, and the results are physical manifestation. My body composition is changing. See, here's the thing about your unconscious mind. It doesn't judge you. It just follows the script. So literally, what directions are you giving your unconscious mind? And let's think about what we say to ourselves in midlife. I'm too old for this. This is just how my body is now. That was my favorite one. I never stick with anything. I hear that often with clients. I always mess it up eventually. I just don't have any motivation. It's harder for me than other people. Like, all the stuff that we are saying to ourselves over and over, whether we say it out loud to another human or whether we just have that internal self talk and we're saying it over and over. That becomes your unconscious mind operating system. And I'm here to tell you with a language and NLP, you can change how your brain operates. It's your brain after all. Your brain made up the thought. And if that thought is not serving you, you can change that thought and turn it into something that does serve you. This is one of my favorites. When someone says, I'll try. You have you ever been invited out to dinner and you'll say, I'll I'll try to make it. Come on. You're not going. Or what about this pen? I'll try to pick up that pen. You're not picking up that pen. I'll try is language to your brain and to the other people in your world. You're not doing it. You know that. I'll try is a cop out. So if nothing else from this episode, you walk away with the idea of when you hear yourself say, I I'll try, choose different language. Say, no. Thank you. It's not for me. That's more accurate than I'll try because you're not gonna try and you're, like, basically telling yourself a fib, if you will. So one of my favorite strategies in NLP is reframes. And at some point in my late forties, early fifties, I started doing this because, believe me, my forties were the negative nancies, if you will. I was stuck in the toilet. I was over exercising. I was going through divorce and and separation. And my kids I was empty, and I said, all all of then I had hysterectomy. Like, everything happened in my forties, and it was I mean, I had a big pity party for a long time. And then I realized I don't wanna live like that anymore. So I love reframing things. Like, what is the lesson out of this? What am I meant to learn? And some of my favorite NLP reframes are some something like this. I'm learning to listen to my body differently now. I believe menopause is an invitation to return to yourself and really know and love and appreciate yourself like you haven't since you were a little girl because you were probably really busy taking care of other people through your thirties and your forties. Now menopause midlife isn't as an opportunity to return that energy back to yourself. So now you get to learn about your body. Rather than being frustrated with all the changes, be curious about what's happening. What are you saying to yourself? Here's another reframe for midlife. My body is changing, and I'm allowed to adapt with it. Again, I explained through my forties, I was CrossFit cam, and it had to be I had to be on a puddle in the ground in a puddle of sweat for it to count. Menopause me, especially since December, realizes that I am more consistent and I have more energy for my life if I just do ten minute strength workouts. Now some days, I have more energy. Maybe I'll do twenty minutes or thirty minutes and then take a few days off. But here's the thing. When you are in touch with your body and, like, how you are feeling, you get to decide what's best for you. You don't have to follow the calendar calendar, oh, on Monday, Wednesday, Friday. If you didn't sleep on Tuesday night, Wednesday is not gonna be a good workout. Are you gonna push your cortisol limits too far? Or are you going to say nasty things to yourself when the workout doesn't go as you thought it should? See what I mean? You can change your reality by changing your thoughts. Here's another great reframe for menopause. I'm someone who comes back to herself even after a detour. Because let's be honest, stuff happens. You're gonna want a glass of wine or eat a piece of pie or whatever it is. There's no judgment here. But what the difference is is your language back to yourself that I'm gonna figure out what I need for myself. So we know that words trigger feelings, and then those feelings trigger behaviors, and those behaviors trigger outcomes. That's how it works. Language affects your hormones, like, if you're stressed or not. It affects your cravings, your digestion, and your metabolism. I don't know. A few years ago, I was wearing a continuous glucose monitor. I love experimenting on myself, and I believe that I was insulin resistant. I believe that I wasn't processing sugar well. During my forties, I had an addiction to jellybeans and candy corn, which sounds so gross now, but I was addicted. I would hide it for myself in the console of my car. That's that's how ridiculous it was. And if I opened the bag, I was gonna eat the whole bag. Okay. So I'm pretty sure in my forties, I had problems with sugar because I was eating like a jerk. Fast forward to my fifties, menopause, I was like, okay. I'm gonna wear a glucose monitor to see actually how my body is responding to food. I love pizza. I'm not willing to give up pizza. Can I eat pizza and not spike my glucose was one of my experiments? Anyway, fast forward, there was one particular day. I was working on my computer, looking, working, working, and Maverick, who is now in heaven, it was a very large dog with a very large bark and had my glucose monitor on, and he was barking at me. Probably wanted to go out, probably just being a jerk. That that was his motive. And I remember being so irritated with him because whatever I was doing was more important than whatever he needed at the time. And I need you to know that I spiked my glucose by being frustrated and angry. My glucose rose not from food, from stress. I think that's a really big lesson. When we're walking around irritated and frustrated and, like, you know, that feeling inside, you're changing your glucose. I think that's a really big lesson. So your thoughts, my thought about maverick, actually changed my hormones and actually raised my blood sugar. That's what I mean. Our thoughts are very powerful. So when you soften your self talk, it it helps regulate your nervous system, and it keeps you on the calm side of things. So here's a simple practice, something to take away. I encourage you to take one phrase that you say often to yourself and ask yourself, is this creating the version of me I want to become? So let me say that again. So when you catch yourself yourself saying, I'll try to do that or when you use the word should, that's a big one. Should, could, would, all of those words are ways that we shame ourselves. If you find a sentence or a phrase that you find on repeat in your mind, ask yourself, pause. You can ask, is this even true? Like, that's a really simple one. And, also, is this creating a version of me I want to become? Just stopping and shifting that one phrase this week will change how your brain and your body behaves. You can use words that feel safe and neutral whenever possible instead of being, like, fake affirm you know, affirmations. That's not what I'm saying here. I want you to be honest with yourself. That's that's really important. But use words that feel safe and neutral, that don't have a charge to them. So to sum it all up, your body is listening to what you say to yourself and what you say to other people, and your words matter. Your words actually create your physical body. If you found this episode helpful in any way, reach out to me on Instagram at hey mama cam. Stop over and say hi. I love hearing from you. And also, please follow and subscribe to this channel. That helps me help more women, and that's my whole purpose in life. Okay. So for part three of this NLP episode, we're gonna talk about self sabotage and why motivation really isn't the issue here. It's the story underneath motivation. Again, make sure you hit subscribe. Thanks for being here, and I'll see you next week.