National Quitters Day: Stop Quitting Your Goals in Midlife

00:00 All-or-nothing mindset hinders progress; embrace imperfection.

03:58 Evolved exercise identity became fitness-related business.

07:39 Stack new habits with well-established ones.

In this episode, you'll hear: 

• Ease Up on Perfectionism: The all-or-nothing mindset can hinder progress. Embrace life's journey, and learn from inevitable mistakes instead of giving up entirely.
• Set Goals Mindfully: Internal motivations rooted in personal reflection often have more staying power than superficial targets. Tuning into emotions can guide us to more meaningful change.
• Timing Matters: Winter, a season of reflection rather than growth, might not be ideal for setting new resolutions. Consider using this time for inward reflection and prepare to set new goals as spring approaches.

Transcript

0:00

Hey there. Welcome back to the menopause method. My name is Cam Allen and I am your tour guide for everything menopause. Have you heard of this holiday called National Quitters Day? Did you know that the 2nd Friday in January is called National Quitters Day? I did not know this. Now I did know that by February, 80% of people quit on their new year's resolutions. But I really had no idea that as soon as January, 2nd Friday, we actually have a holiday called National Quitters Day. We're gonna talk about why we quit and how to set better goals so you don't quit. And you can actually achieve the health and the fitness and the life that you dream of. One of the reasons I think we fail is we have this all or nothing mindset. We have to be perfect, and perfection is keeping us stuck. And if one little thing goes off the rails, if you eat one little thing that you're not supposed to, air quotes, or you miss one workout, then you're off the rails and you're like, forget it. I'm just gonna go crazy. That all or nothing perfectionist mindset is really keeping us stuck. I think it's more helpful and more healthy to think of life as a journey. And when you mess up, because you're gonna mess up, you're human, to take the moment to reflect and understand why that happened, and what could you do differently next time. I also feel like we set goals that fail because they're based on external motivation, such as your clothes fitting better, or maybe it's your scale saying a certain number. But here's the thing, have you ever set a goal like that and reached the goal? Did it equal health? Did it equal happiness? Or were you still searching for something? I find that when we set goals from internal things, like from reflection and because we wanna move away from something that's frustrating in our life, then actually they have more sticking power. It's something internal. You've you've done the work. You've looked inside and decided that you're gonna change. This next one might surprise you. I think goal setting in January is simply setting goals in the wrong season. Winter is not the season for growth. I've always been a fan of seasons, and right now we're in winter. We have a foot of snow on the ground in Cincinnati right now. It is a time to be inward and move slower and be more reflective. It is not a time of explosive growth. Actually, I think if we had resolutions in, like, March or April, maybe we would be more successful. In the spring, the earth is waking up. Things are starting to grow and bloom. That's when we wanna grow and bloom. So I like to use winter as a time to reflect and go inward and really decide what do I want in my life and how am I gonna get it. So think of it this way. In January, February, and March, we're actually planting seeds, little consistent seeds that will actually equal your sprint spring bloom. So just be patient with it. I do think there are better ways to set goals, and let's talk about that. I think if we tune into our emotions, we go inward, and we decide what's really frustrating us or what's really emotional for us. Those are actually clues to where we can grow and change. And I'll use my hysterectomy as an example. So at the age of 49, I had a hysterectomy. About 4 months later, I tried to go back to the gym. I remember doing my first deadlift, and peeing my pants. And I was like, my daughter was with me, and I was like, what what just happened? Like that had only happened one other time, and it was a really heavy front squat. So, like, I kinda understood that. But this was not a heavy dead lift, and I peed my pants. That was just one example. There were other workouts I did, and I would literally end up on the couch for days exhausted. I knew the way I exercise before my hysterectomy was not gonna work anymore after my hysterectomy. Now it wasn't that easy. It wasn't like one workout and one set of dead lifts. It took it was a process for sure for me to put down that exercise identity of who I said I was and learn how to exercise in a new way. I was so frustrated that I actually went back to school. And now here we are 5 years later, almost 6 years later. 6 years later, this business, this podcast is a result of that frustration. And now I've had worked with 100 of women helping them figure out their fitness and health in menopause based on my frustration. Next up, I'm a huge fan of setting intentions over resolutions. I feel like intentions are more gentle, and they show you the path on how to get there. They're fluent, they're flexible, they require self reflection. Whereas resolutions are really rigid, and it goes back to that all or nothing concept that we started the show with. So I want you to think of a time that you maybe set a nutrition goal. I'm going to eat more vegetables. I'm not gonna eat bread. All the crazy things that you say to yourself. But then maybe you decided to eat a cookie, or maybe you had a date with some crackers. And because you went off your strict protocol, you just said f it, and you just went for it, and you went off the rails. That's that's happened. That's happened to me. I have another way to look at it. Instead, we're gonna mess up. That's just part of it. It's part of the journey. Instead, see yourself making that decision, ask yourself, go inside, and understand what was the trigger for that decision. Was it did you decide to eat that because you were eating your emotions? Maybe you were lonely or frustrated or angry. So pausing and understanding what was the trigger, and then seeing yourself respond to that trigger. That way you can understand yourself better, which is what I believe menopause is about. It's a gateway back to yourself, and you can understand that the very next decision you can make based on the person that you're working to be. Make your decisions from that future self of yourself. Also think it's really important to be gentle with yourself. As I mentioned, I really believe that our health is a journey. There is no deadline. There is no finish line. Have you ever reached a goal? Did that equal happiness, or was there something else you were chasing? So health is really a journey. There's no timeline, finish line, deadline, no line at all. It's a progress, and we are going to make mistakes because we are human. So being gentle with yourself is a good is a good way to approach it. And I also want you to know that change is really hard. Your brain has 2 goals in life, to keep you alive and to keep you reproducing. Well, we're in menopause, so we're take the reproduction part off the off the table here. But it wants to keep you alive, and it doesn't want you to change. Even if the new habit that you're working on establishing this year is actually a healthy change, Your brain doesn't your brain doesn't wanna change. It's very comfortable to stay exactly where it is. So anytime you can show your brain that it's safe to change and they're actually doing the thing, it's amazing. And you avoid all that negative self brain chatter. You can't do this. You're always fail. You're never gonna do x y z, all that stuff that we say to ourselves. What happens is that chatter over and over actually becomes our beliefs. And so our brain doesn't wanna change. Our job is to show our brain, hey. Look. I did this thing. I'm showing up. I did my workout. I drank my water, whatever your goals are, and show your brain that it is safe to change. One of my favorite ways to do that, like, to trick your brain, is to have it stack your new habit next to a habit that you have well established. It's kind of like a sneaky way to, like, get them in, and then I want you to acknowledge your wins. Make sure to revisit your intentions. Slow down enough and reflect and show yourself, show your brain that you are doing it. Also, you have a chance to go back and modify any of your intentions as you move through it. If you need help setting intentions for 2025, hit me up on Instagram at hey mama_cam. I love chatting with you. There's nothing I want more for you than to have a happy and healthy 2025. If you're finding this show helpful, please hit the subscribe button and share it with your best friend, and I'll see you next week.